Riga, Latvia – In a historic decision that has both puzzled and delighted citizens, the Latvian Saeima recently passed legislation naming 'Soviet Beige' as the official color of Riga. Proponents of the measure claim it will both enhance city unity and offer a nostalgic nod to Latvia's colorful past—albeit, ironically, by being colorless.

The proposal, which passed with a resounding majority of 85 to 15 votes, was introduced by the newly formed Coalition for Harmonious Urban Neutrality, or 'CHUN'. The group's spokesperson, Dimitrijs Neitrals, explained the rationale behind the choice, stating, "We wanted a color that epitomizes both the vibrancy and the subtlety of Riga life. Soviet Beige is not just a color; it’s an aura—a dreary yet captivating reminder of our history, much like the municipal winter wardrobe."

Local reactions have been mixed. Elina Brunsfelds, chairwoman of the Riga Interior Decorators’ Union, expressed enthusiasm over the unifying theme. "I can now confidently match my curtains to the City Council," she stated during an interview. "Imagine the synergy during inter-departmental meetings!"

However, not all feedback has been positive. Some critics argue that the measure lacks foresight. "What about summer?" asked Andris Leontjevs, a popular figure in Riga's art scene. "The whole city will look like a giant piece of Soviet toast. Think of the international tourists! They come here expecting Baltic vibrancy, not monotone melancholia."

Yet, supporters argue that imitating the shades of clouded sky might actually boost tourism. "You see, couple this color scheme with our famously unpredictable weather, and you'll attract visitors eager for a fully immersive, color-coordinated Baltic experience," explained Juris Pilneks, the city's official meteorologist, who moonlights as Riga’s unofficial 'colorologist'.

Further bolstering the 'Soviet Beige' initiative, the Transportation Department announced plans to repaint city buses in similar hues, ensuring that commuters experience a "seamless beige journey." The only exception, department head Viktors Tramvajejs noted, would be the traffic lights, which will remain universally colored 'for legal reasons', but will now be sponsored by a local beige paint company.

A victory parade of sorts is scheduled for next month, where participants will walk the cobblestone streets adorned in beige clothing, waving beige flags to the tune of a specially composed ‘Beige Anthem’. Composer Aivars Smurelis described the anthem as "a sonic adventure through taupe, expanding into ecru, with an undertone of khaki."

The Ministry of Culture concluded, in a boldly neutral statement: "Soviet Beige will be a cornerstone in our artistic expression. After all, it’s hard to find a wall that doesn’t already wear it proudly."

As Riga embraces its newly anointed color, the sentiment—as opaque as it may appear—shows a city ready to celebrate its monotonous unity. Whether this hue revolution will catch on across the Baltic, or fade into obscurity, only time, and a few coats of paint, will tell.