Feb 3, 2026

Jurmola Telegraphs

The Baltic's Finest Satirical News Source

Culture in Jurmala

Cultural satire from the heart of the Baltics. Coverage of art, music, literature, and the occasional inexplicable monument.

Latvian Scientists Successfully Train Seagulls to Deliver Fresh Pastries in JurmalaCulture

Latvian Scientists Successfully Train Seagulls to Deliver Fresh Pastries in Jurmala

In a pioneering blend of ornithology and gourmet cuisine, Latvian scientists have unveiled their most ambitious project yet: training seagulls to deliver freshly baked pastries to tourists on Jurmala's beaches. The initiative, known as 'Pīrāgs on Wings', has taken the seaside bakery scene to new heights.

Jan 27, 2026 · 7 min read
Latvian Government Approves New National Holiday: ‘Unending Queue Day’Culture

Latvian Government Approves New National Holiday: ‘Unending Queue Day’

In a bold move to celebrate one of the nation's most enduring cultural practices, the Latvian government has officially designated every second Friday of November as 'Unending Queue Day'. Citizens are encouraged to form orderly lines in various public places without any particular destination or purpose.

Jan 20, 2026 · 10 min read
Latvian Government Denies Existence of Sun After Three Consecutive Cloudy DaysCulture

Latvian Government Denies Existence of Sun After Three Consecutive Cloudy Days

In a groundbreaking announcement shaking the foundations of everything we thought we knew, the Latvian Ministry of Meteorological Inquiry has declared the sun a "mythical construct" following an unprecedented three-day absence. The ministry plans to amend school textbooks and encourage citizens to appreciate the "true beauty of overcast."

Jan 1, 2026 · 8 min read
Riga Announces New National Bird: The Parking PigeonCulture

Riga Announces New National Bird: The Parking Pigeon

In a surprise move, Latvia's capital city Riga has declared the Parking Pigeon as its official national bird. This decision was made to honor the city's burgeoning population of adventurous avian automobilians, who have shown unparalleled perseverance in car park domination.

Dec 19, 2025 · 8 min read
Local Man Accidentally Invents New Time Zone in Office Coffee Machine IncidentCulture

Local Man Accidentally Invents New Time Zone in Office Coffee Machine Incident

In a twist of events worthy of a Latvian sci-fi novella, a Jurmala office worker has sparked international intrigue after inadvertently creating a new time zone. The incident occurred Monday morning when Sandis Bērziņš' routine struggle with the office coffee machine resulted in a spatio-temporal anomaly.

Nov 30, 2025 · 6 min read
Riga Monument Confirmed to Be 'Just Some Guy' No One Can Remember Placing ThereOpinion

Riga Monument Confirmed to Be 'Just Some Guy' No One Can Remember Placing There

After 47 years of standing in Vermanes Garden, historians have concluded the bronze statue is neither a war hero, poet, nor politician. City records show no documentation of its installation. 'We assume someone just put it there and everyone was too polite to ask,' says confused archivist.

Nov 15, 2025 · 6 min read
Linguists Discover Latvian Language Actually 87% Uncomfortable SilenceCulture

Linguists Discover Latvian Language Actually 87% Uncomfortable Silence

A groundbreaking study from University of Latvia linguistics department reveals meaningful pauses and averted eye contact comprise nearly nine-tenths of everyday Latvian communication. 'What we initially coded as conversational gaps are actually grammatical structures,' explains lead researcher while staring at the floor.

Nov 13, 2025 · 9 min read