Riga—In an unprecedented attempt to tackle the seasonal gloom that descends upon Latvia every winter, the government has launched the National Sauna-ization Program, a nationwide initiative to convert public squares into welcoming communal saunas.

The plan, which was announced Tuesday at the Cabinet Office surrounded by strategic piles of fir branches, surprisingly wasn't initiated by the Ministry of Tourism, but rather the Ministry of Defense. "Our number one priority is national security," said Defense Minister Hedvigs Apsītis, wrapped in a traditional linen sauna towel. "If our citizens are happy and warm, they're less likely to contemplate deserting to warmer climates, thereby preserving our population—and our sovereignty."

The project has been named Projekt Siltums due to its anticipated ability to generate both literal and metaphorical warmth throughout the nation. "We have meticulously calculated the conversion of outdoor spaces to saunas should increase happiness ratings by 83.7%," claimed project chief Nils Smilga, an expert in Baltic comfort sciences. "Plus, it gives us an edge in our unofficial cold war with Estonia over who has the best wellness traditions."

As part of the project, Riga's Freedom Monument will be encircled by a towering glass and timber sauna structure, custom-designed to contain both leafy birch switches and a respectable humidity level suitable for impromptu folk singing sessions.

The initiative has garnered mixed feelings from local citizens. Rita Kalniņa, a 35-year-old accountant from the neighborhood of Āgenskalns, said, "While I do appreciate the effort, merging sauna culture with everyday commutes will be... interesting. Imagine trying to explain to your boss why you're late because you had to leave early to avoid showing up to work looking like a tomato."

Despite any initial skepticism, city planners are optimistic about the potential ripple effects of the initiative. "We genuinely believe this will spur economic growth," declared Janis Magone, Chief Urban Innovations Officer. "Our estimates show that sauna-infused economic stimulus could theoretically increase Jūrmala’s cash flow to levels even exceeding its current sea avian tourism. We've calculated, albeit with the help of optimistic math, a 60% uptick in international interest."

Local businesses have already begun to adapt, with restaurants poised to include steam-compatible menu items such as the sauna panna cotta, sure to be a hit with tourists dining either inside a sauna or for quick refreshing dives to their table outside. "Saunas aren't just for sweating," argues Andris Bērzs, an innovative restaurateur in Old Riga. "They're also perfect for loosening up the fibers of our national favorite: rūpjmaize (rye bread). Who doesn't love a beautifully warm rye that's been lightly steamed?"

The first prototypes are set to debut next month, with trials planned to ensure that occupants’ enthusiasm doesn't evaporate into thin air. Despite concerns about logistics, from bathrobe supply to inevitable towel theft, most agree it's a bold step into the unknown that seems as invigorating as a brisk run into Baltic waters after a long sauna session.

As the nation gears up to face yet another icy season, Projekt Siltums promises not only to embrace the frostiness outside but also to foster a warmth that spreads to the core of everyone's hearts—or at least their core body temperatures.