Jurmola Man Spends 11 Years Constructing Elaborate Excuse For Why He Can't Attend Cousin's Wedding
⚠️ Satire: This is a fictional story for entertainment. Learn more about us
At a Glance: Local resident Jānis Bērziņš has reportedly been working on a multi-layered alibi involving a fictional dental emergency, a made-up business trip to Estonia, and a fabricated fear of the number 7 since receiving the wedding invitation in 2014. The wedding is in two weeks.
Local resident Jānis Bērziņš has reportedly been working on a multi-layered alibi involving a fictional dental emergency, a made-up business trip to Estonia, and a fabricated fear of the number 7 since receiving the wedding invitation in 2014. The wedding is in two weeks.
'I've been very careful about this,' Bērziņš explained while reviewing a 47-page document titled 'Why I Cannot Attend.' 'The key is layering. You can't just say you're sick. That's amateur hour.'
The alibi reportedly includes: - A dentist in Tallinn who doesn't exist - A business meeting that was scheduled 'years ago' - A newly developed phobia of the number 7 (the wedding is on the 17th) - A cat that needs 'urgent supervision'
When asked why he didn't just decline the invitation 11 years ago, Bērziņš stared silently for several minutes before adding another page to his document.